So there is this rule I learned in Kindergarten. I think it is the first rule we all learn. It’s called the Golden Rule, it states that you should treat others how you want to be treated. Well I have recently discovered that I have lived my whole life adhering to this social policy.

During this new era of promoting my body to take over all major life choices, and essentially demoting my mind to some un-used closet in the back as a make-shift office. I have un knowingly created a very toxic work environment. Every time my body decides to do something different, I hear my disgruntled demoted mind yelling at the top of it’s lungs from it’s office. When I open the door to see whats happening I am instantly bombarding with screams about how this place is going to h&ll under this new leadership.

I then have to bring up all these complaints to my psychologist, who helps me understand why my mind thinks this. Then I have to go explain to mind why that new decision my body made actually makes sense. It’s been a lot, but as the owner of this disfunctional meat vehicle I need to sort it out.

Anyway, one of the biggest changes that my body has made is with social media. Back in the day under my mind’s rule I used it in a completely different way. I actually thought that social media was an extension of real life. Having not been able to spend a lot of time with people on a day to basis over the past few years. I used Social Media as a connection to the people in my life. I hadn’t been able to take a vacation, so I would use Social Media as a tool to live vicariously through other people. My connection to the outside world was through social media, I considered my friends online to be my friends in real life. Likes were bits of support and love. Comments were quick waves, and small talk. Messages were real conversations. I would use the Golden Rule just like I would in real life. You look at my story I look at yours. You actively small talk through comments with me I would try to reciprocate. I recently learned that my connection Social Media isn’t real. Which is still a really hard thing to explain to my mind even after numerous therapy sessions. Honestly it’s currently the biggest and most uncomfortable change that has been happening. This whole situation has highlighted that not only do I need to figure out how to actually start hanging out with people in real life. But also I have essentially just been behaving like a mirror to everyone around me. I have taken this Golden Rule and have turned it around to make sense of other people. Instead of acting from my own needs first I just wait to reciprocate. Which leaves me completely lost, I have no idea how to behave. So recently I have been using Social Media as a tool to only share my art. My therapist recommended leaving my personal profile alone until I really figure out my behaviors and that social media isn’t real. It’s been a difficult switch and it’s taken a minute to force myself not to look at my feed, stories, or story views, I even have all my notifications turned off so I don’t see who liked or viewed reels. I have been posting my work and then I will spend a few minutes in the search screen, thinking what do I like. Trying to think of being offense not just defense waiting to reciprocate. Who am I when i’m not being a mirror?

I have found that my body feels so much better after going on Social Media. My mind of course is still yelling in the closet that i’m a bad friend, because i’m not supporting people, or that people hate me, etc. But i’m slowly sorting it out, and the sooner I can get my energy and life back to normal the sooner I can make a point to see people in real life.